Properly Deflowered
Or how to endure a first-class corporate fucking.
Executive Summary
Any B-School student can tell you that the primary reason for corporate existence is the enrichment of the owners or rather, in today's environment, the top managers and then the owners. What follows chronicles my experience with a double-fuck from two corporate giants: Sprint and Samsung. I am ashamed to admit that I fell for the original bullshit and scam of a smart phone.
In brief:
- I succumbed to peer pressure and decided to upgrade my trusty little “clam” flip-phone for a smart phone.
- On March 1, 2014, I went to the Sprint Store (my carrier of ten years running) and purchased a new, Samsung Galaxy Tab III Note. I left the store immediately $500 lighter in the bank account with commitments for several thousand more over the course of two years.
- On the evening of April 23, 2014 (less than two months after purchasing a “new” device) the phone went dead. It would not power up nor would it register any charging activity. It was a brick.
- At first I tried going to the Sprint Store at Damen and Irving in Chicago. This proved a waste of time since as a franchise, their only interest is in collection more money. They wanted $75 to “diagnose” the problem. After that it would be more to fix it. When I protested that the phone was new and under warranty he told me that it wasn't his problem and I should take the matter up with Samsung. Overall, he was a giant dick.
- Next a colleague took he phone to the Sprint Store in Vernon Hills, where the guys were “cool” and would help. They at least tried putting a different battery in the phone but in the end it was still “$75 or the highway.” The phone was still dead. This ended the first fucking by corporate cock number 1.
- Next I tried to get service at the Samsung website. This is yet another barrier to getting value for what you paid. I have documented at least eleven defects in the website but in the end I was unable to submit a service request. All of my browsers hung when I pressed the “Submit” button.
- Then I went to live chat. Two hours later Nathan finally decided I should return the device for inspection by a technician. I was repeatedly informed that they might decide that my phone was out of warranty “by condition” even though it was in warranty “by date.” This was repeated several times, apparently in an attempt to generate lots of Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt (FUD.) Of course, if they decided the phone is out of warranty, there would be a hefty charge to repair it.
- I informed Nathan that I had taken a comprehensive set of photographs of the device so I was well aware of the condition before I submitted it for repair. I will also take photographs of the packing and shipping, since a favorite trick of Samsung seems to be to mark your shipment as arriving in “fair” condition.
- That's where it stands now, well into a fucking by corporate cock number 2. I have probably spent ten hours of time on this problem with more to come. Tomorrow I'll head up to my UPS agent to carefully pack and ship the device back to Plano, Texas for repair. I don't keep boxes, bubble wrap and plastic peanuts on hand, so this will be more expense as well as time.